EDITOR'S DESK by Cheryl McGuire
Hello, everyone.
To avoid rehashing the grim, and not so grim, rhetoric that has framed all aspects of our lives for weeks (my tire’s gone flat), I’m offering distractions, meaningful and meaningless, frolicsome frivolities with which to spin our thoughts elsewhere—words of wisdom—tidbits of American slang—wisecracks cracked by Georgia State Troopers (just because)—and one sparkling example of colorful writing.
The Wise Advise:
“Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered—either by themselves or by others.” —Mark Twain
“Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.” —Voltaire
“We are all formed of frailty and error. Let us pardon, reciprocally, each other’s folly. That is the first law of nature.” —From the film Roman Israel
“Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.” —Mark Twain
“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” —Jimmy Dean
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she has laid an asteroid.” —Mark Twain
“In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.” —Albert Einstein
“Beware the quiet man. For while others speak, he watches. And while others act, he plans. And when they finally rest . . . he strikes.” —Anonymous
“You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.” —Mark Twain
Tidbits from The Pocket Dictionary of American Slang:
Ding-swizzled: adj: darned; damned
Dooteroomus: n. money
Haul the mail: to speed up; to make up lost time by doing something faster
Harlot’s hello: something that doesn’t exist; nothing; zero
Five of clubs: a fist
Feather Merchant: a civilian; a slacker; a sailor with an office job
Drum-beater: a press agent
Georgia State Troopers Crack Wise:
"You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
"Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that will be chasing you."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
Painting with Words:
The Lesson: “The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.” —Mark Twain
The Example: “The first time I ran for District Attorney I had so much company that it looked like the start of one of those . . . Parisian bicycle races . . . . All of us rival candidates were political virgins, and during the race we kept tripping over each other in our puppy-like zeal, picking ourselves up, dusting ourselves off, bowing and apologizing—all the while wishing that the other had snapped his whizzle string.” From Small Town D.A. by John Voelker
Enjoy. Don’t forget to play.
